Wow. I had the most amazing revelation this week, thanks to my therapist, who helped show me something that would have taken me a long time to see on my own.
I went for a walk last week and as I often do, I was on the lookout for wildlife. But for some reason, I had it in mind that I was going to see something out of the ordinary. Crows and squirrels were not going to cut it. I was going to see a SPECIAL animal. It was GOING to happen, I was convinced.
Of course, it didn’t happen.
But on the way home, the timing just happened to be perfect and I was gifted with an extraordinary, bright pink/orange sunset, that I hadn’t expected and wouldn’t have seen if I had been just ten minutes earlier or later.
And my heart kinda opened and I realized, I had been reaching and striving for this imaginary spirit animal that I had decided I was going to see. I hadn’t been open to what the universe wanted to give me. I had an almost needy energy, needing this animal to appear to me, rather than gratitude and acceptance for what was already appearing to me. The sunset felt like it contained that message, appearing to me right after I had been almost desperately looking for something else.
So I was telling my therapist this story, and talking about this energy that does pop up in me often. This reaching, striving, kind of needy, eager energy. Looking for my next spiritual lesson, the next sign from the universe, the next level of awareness.
She posed a very important question to me.
“So, what if this is all there is? Like right now, if you never get any further. How does that feel?”
I was like, NO! That does not feel ok! I need to learn more, I have so far to go, so much to learn, so much to do!
And boom, it hit me. Even with all the growth I’ve experienced, all the steps I’ve taken towards self love and self forgiveness, all the beautiful heart opening experiences I’ve had…I still do not accept myself as I am. Today. Right now. I still think I’m flawed in some way. That I require improvement. That I’m not enough, yet. Someday, I may be. But definitely not yet.
I cry tears of joy and laughter right now as I write this because it’s so beautiful to be able to see this misunderstanding, and feel the freedom that comes with its release.
What if I choose to believe that I am enough, right now, as I am, today?
How much peace does that bring!
It’s like this pesky anxious noise always running in the background of my life just got quiet and I can relax for the first time, EVER!
It’s the most beautiful serenity and peace I have ever experienced, just the simple feeling that I’m ok, right now. With everything I have learned and not learned. With everything I have done and not done. Today. As I sit, as I am.
I have sat with this for about 3 days now. I continue to feel deeper peace than ever before, but it’s a practice just like everything else. The not-enough-ness program has a firmly entrenched neural network. I have to constantly remind myself of my enough-ness. And each time I do, this bubble of lightness and joy and relief and gratitude flows through my body.
We are so driven, to achieve, to compete, and to be approved of. I would guess that a lot of people carry a similar burden that I have carried. That I am not good enough, yet. I must keep striving. Even on a spiritual path, that I must keep pushing and striving for growth and lessons and experiences that are going to help get me…somewhere else. Help me become…someone else.
I am here to tell you, you are already enough. Right now, today. You are 100% enough. You are perfect and you are loved and you are enough, exactly as you already are. Let that knowledge relax and relieve you, let it dissolve your anxiety, and let it melt any tension in your body. You are enough. There it is. That peace.
Does accepting ourselves as we are mean that we never grow more, that we never achieve more? Nay, I say to you. Accepting ourselves can only lead to more breakthroughs, more love, more opportunities. And deeper levels of connection, with God, the Universe, and each other. Within this practice, we are working with the energy of the universe, LOVE, rather than against it.
I truly wish for this peace of mind, body, and spirit for all of us. May we know, and deeply feel, that we are enough.
May this message bring peace to your heart!
All the love,