September 27th, 2015 my life changed forever.
I was 33 and had been quite depressed for some time. From a pretty young age I was brutally mean to myself. I went through difficulties with my body image, food, my relationships with my parents, acne, and deciding on a career path. Everything that represented Me – body, face, parents, even my name – I struggled with. Of course looking back, I realize that this is because I was resisting and punishing who I was because I had such a low opinion of myself.
Things had come to a head in my life because of difficulties in my marriage. I was in the lowest place I had ever been and I was dreading the rest of my life. I woke up one day and knew that there had to be a better way to live.
So who did I turn to in our modern world? Google, of course!
I found an article written by a yoga teacher, coach and blogger that spoke of the power our minds have to create our most beautiful lives, OR our worst nightmares. I had an aha moment when I realized that I had been creating this negative environment in my marriage and life by my constant self punishment, self doubt, and worst case scenario thinking. I had been living in an internal world where I hated myself for so long, that it was all coming true around me and now I couldn’t see a way out.
I told a close friend about the article, and she instantly handed me a copy of The Secret. I devoured it in a day, and committed to changing my mindset. The following evening, I prayed for the first time in many years.
I asked my soul to come out. I told her I loved her and that I needed her forgiveness. My own little miracle happened, as I felt the incredible feeling of being loved and treasured immeasurably and being completely forgiven. I sat weeping on my knees in my backyard, holding my heart. Relief flooded my body as a weight was released from my shoulders.
I felt something come out of my sternum area, like a little presence that I could feel hovering around my chest. It was like something opened up that had been bottled up inside me, and poured out. All that evening, and the next day, I could still feel it there, a sensation of energy hovering over my chest. I had been physically changed from this experience.
(I would come to find out later that this was my higher heart chakra opening, which is really cool, but irrelevant for this story.)
Ever since, I have been on a profound spiritual journey. Prior to this happening, I had considered myself an atheist. I had not resonated with the catholic teachings that I grew up with and had pretty much abandoned spirituality. I was depressed, I numbed myself out constantly from my own feelings by using substances, and above all I was extremely self critical. I only say this, not to judge any of those activities, only to paint the picture of how much this has changed me.
Challenges continue to show up and I’m getting better at allowing myself to learn from them rather than resist. I have learned how to open up to love from my parents, which was huge for me. I have become way more in tune with my own feelings and my intuition. I became a yoga teacher in 2016, just one year after my awakening. I am constantly learning, studying, journaling, praying, and tuning in. I will not say it’s been easy…I’ve basically lost everything I used to believe was my identity. Sadly, I got divorced, I moved, I changed the work that I do, and my friendships have changed. Even the music that I listen to has changed.
For the last year, I’ve struggled to find direction in my work life. Clearly, my life had taken a spiritual turn and I struggled with how to reflect this through my work. Nothing felt fulfilling anymore, besides this inner work. I finally realized, this is actually what I’m here to do. All of this growth work isn’t only for me…I need to be sharing my story and helping others who are going through similar struggles. So, I’ve decided to come out of the spiritual closet. I’m offering spiritual counseling sessions, private yoga, and workshops and classes in the community. I will continue to blog about my lessons and my journey. If any of this resonates with you, please reach out to me for a complimentary discovery call, or just continue to follow along with me on this crazy journey.
Thank you so much for being here.