Open the Door

In my last post I shared about accepting who I am now, today, as enough; and how that was a bit of a breakthrough for me.  Today I want to build on that idea.  When we accept the fact of our “enough-ness” we are taking a big step in the direction of self love.  But speaking the words “self love”, and having an intellectual idea of self love, are SO drastically different from FEELING truly loved.

I would like to share with you an exercise I have been practicing.  I’m sure others have done this/taught this or some similar version.  It’s like a visualization.

Take a few deep breaths and become calm and centered.  When you are ready, take your awareness up and behind you.  Pretend that you are a guide or an angel or any higher level spiritual being.  And you are watching your human self from this third party perspective, like watching a movie of yourself.

This higher being sees your human self move throughout the day, and also knows your feelings, thoughts and intentions.  And the higher being sees that you try so hard, you think so much of everyone else, you are always striving and pushing to be better.  The higher being even sees how critical you are of yourself, but he/she knows that even this is driven from high intentions.  Your mistakes are simply misunderstandings.  The higher being see all of your life from this outside, higher perspective and can’t help but completely love this thoughtful, courageous, hard working, loving, yet sometimes scared, person.

Think about that for a second.  What if we look at our lives from the outside?  It’s like how we give our friends so much credit, we are so proud of them, we think they are so beautiful and funny.  We don’t think twice when they do something that we would never forgive ourselves for.  We cut our dear friends and loved ones so much slack, but we can’t do the same for ourselves.  Well, look at yourself from the outside.  See yourself as dear and brave and thoughtful and trying, always trying so hard to do the right thing.  Always thinking of others.  Always struggling but getting up again each day, looking at the world optimistically, and working harder to be the best version of yourself possible.

Ok.  Now.  Second part of the visualization.  Again, take an outside perspective, but now it’s from the viewpoint of someone who looks up to you.  Your dog, your niece, a younger sibling, or someone that looks to you as a mentor.  See yourself from their perspective.  See your talents, your generosity, see the special light that you bring into the world that makes this person (or animal) so drawn to you.  Look at yourself with the wonder and admiration that this being has for you.

Doesn’t that feel so good?!

Hang in there though, because it gets even better.  There’s a Part 3!

The above exercise is the “giving” love part.  I’m looking at myself from the outside and seeing that I’m deserving of so much love.  I’m wrapping myself in a beautiful pink bubble of love from the outside.

But what I realized is that I also need to receive that love.

I need to open the door from the inside and let it in.

Imagine the person from whom you are going to receive love.  Imagine all this love being sent to you.  Now open the door.  Either think of your entire body as a door, or place a few doors on your body, like your heart and upper back, forehead, ears, throat and back of neck.  Feel yourself receiving it!  Feel it coming in the door and entering your body.  Feel it like a happy hum, or purr, settling into your body.  Bask in it!!

I realize none of this is easy or automatic.  As I started practicing accepting love, from myself, my parents, my loved ones…I realized that I hadn’t been able to accept it for so long.  I had built walls that said I couldn’t accept it.  Perhaps I thought that love came with requirements, or that I wasn’t good enough to deserve it.  In any case, letting the love in now is not that easy!  I have to sit down and consciously allow it in.  But when I do….it feels so good!!  It’s life affirming, nourishing, peace-bringing and soul-soothing.  Literally what we live for.  Love!

Please take the time to give yourself love, respect, and understanding; but also to consciously allow the energizing life force of love to be received within your body, whether it’s from yourself or another.  You are so deeply loved.  Please let it in.

Katelandia

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I will carry that for you

Oh Universe, your timing is so perfect.

I dreamed I was in a group of family members, and my grandmother was there.  I knew that she had been gone a long time, and as I saw her it registered that it was a special surprise to see her again.  I exclaimed, “Grandma!”  She held out her arms to me and I crawled into them, and folded my big adult body into her small lap.  I burst into tears.  And she said words I will never forget.  “Share with me anything you want to share with me.”

And at that exact moment I woke up, and ever since have been thinking about what I would share.

It was an invitation to unload myself of my greatest fears, my heaviest burdens.

What would I tell her?

I have such big dreams, and I feel so motivated to help people.  But along with that comes this fear that I’m never going to make a difference.  That I’m never going to live up to this giant thing called my potential.  That I’m not doing enough.  That I’m going to disappoint myself.

I am worried that I’m lost.  My life lately is like a yard sale…Everything must go!  But what is going to fill in the empty spaces?  Where do I direct all this energy and passion?

It hits me hard to face these fears in myself.  To name them.

And my grandma simply said, Let me help you with those.  They look heavy.  Let me carry those burdens for you.

My precious child, let me hold you, and know my love for you.

 

 

Remembering

There is so much fear, I can smell it.  

Fear is in my friends

Fear is in my culture

Reflecting back to me the fear in my own heart.

That I will not be loved, that I will not be forgiven.

 

Yet deeper, beyond the fear, is the small smile, the patient knowing,

Of who I really AM.

I am the universe

And one with all things.  

One with God.  

Perfect, limitless love incarnate.

 

This light that I am, shines into the dark corners where fear lives

With loving acknowledgement,

Understanding,

And forgiveness.

And with a rush of truth, something opens inside me and becomes healed.

Soulstice

 

Winter Solstice is nature’s New Year’s Eve, right?  Is this already a thing?   The longest night of the year, followed by each day growing slightly longer in duration, just seems like a natural starting point to the new year. Which of course makes today, December 22nd, nature’s New Year’s Day.  

Of course this means New Years Resolutions.  

This week I read The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz.  Mind blowing!!! It is a pretty quick, easy read but so insightful.  This part spoke to me:

If you look at your body, you will find billions of living beings who depend on you.  You are responsible for all those beings.  For all those living beings that are your cells, you are God.  You can provide them what they need; you can love all those living beings, or you can be so mean to them.

The cells in your body are completely loyal to you; they work for you in harmony.  We can even say they pray to you.  You are their God.  That is absolutely the truth.  Now what are you going to do with that knowledge?

I love this, it’s so sweet and true.  My body is a beautiful universe in and of itself.  It is made of cells that specialized themselves with a mind blowing intelligence into different functions, organs and systems.  It automatically works for me, 24/7, each and every day of my life.  It even grew itself from 2 cells, provided from two different people, and formed my own mind, for my benefit, which now I use to condemn it??  SO ridiculous!  I know that I will never, ever, reject my body again with these words in my heart.  More than that, I beg forgiveness, beautiful body, for ever saying anything mean to you or about you.  For picking you apart.  I love you, exactly as you are.  I love you and appreciate you for everything you do for me.  I turn inward, and send blessings and love to each and every cell in my body, because it’s true…I AM their God. Water and food, exercise is great but how can anyone really thrive without LOVE??  The same as I would provide for a child in my care, a pet, even to a house plant I would give love and care without a second of hesitation.  To my beautiful perfect body I give my unending love and adoration and a promise to take the best care of you, to listen to your messages, to love EVERY part, to feed you healthy foods that help you function best, and to move/rest when you need.  I will nourish you as you nourish me and love you as you love and support me every single day.  I am so grateful for you.  I LOVE YOU.

My intention in 2016 is not to change anything about myself, but to accept myself and love myself as I am.  The only thing I am changing is the way I treat myself and talk to my miraculous and beautiful body, from inside my own miraculous and beautiful mind.

Love to you and yours, and the happiest of holidays!

Katelandia

I am

I am grateful.  I am healthy.  I am creative.  I am loving.  I am kind.  I am warm.  I am love.  I am peace.  I am free.  I am me.

‘I am’ is in the now.  It is not in the past, or the future.  It does not contain any judgement or any story.  It does not contain fear, uncertainty, or regret.  Those things don’t exist here in the present.  NOW is what is real.

Some say that ‘I am’ is creation.

‘I am’ is a statement used to bring your desire into being.  Like, if you want to become a writer, “I am a writer.”  If you want to become a model, “I am a model.”  “I am healthy and fit.”  “I am a loving parent.”

This is straight powerful!  Instead of dwelling on how unhappy I am, I choose to think of all the good on earth and in my life.  I am grateful!  Instead of fearing sickness or lamenting weight gain, I choose to focus on health and well-being.  I am healthy!  My body is a perfectly functioning universe.  I am strong and capable.  My body carries me around to different places.  I see the beautiful sights of this world.  I hear beautiful sounds like music and laughter.  This feels so much better!

From this new vantage point, I am empowered to count my blessings, including my body.  I am inspired to exercise, stretch, and eat healthy foods.  My incentive?  Moving about freely and easily. Taking in the beautiful sights and sounds of this world.  Running on the sand, jumping off a waterfall.  Making a child laugh!  Riding a horse.  Hugging someone I love.  I stop working out because I hate my body…I start working out because I LOVE my body!

If I am is creation, I am is power, I am is presence…this is starting to sound a lot like divine power!  Here is another clue…. the translation for God’s name as told to Moses is ‘I am that I am’.  I had heard before that God’s name was ‘I am’, but it never made sense to me.  Until recently.  When I started learning more about ‘I am’ and the creative process, and became more aware of how I was using the phrase, I remembered this about God’s name.  Mind blown!  It doesn’t even matter how you define God.  What matters is the divine power inherent in the words, and how this power is accessible to us!

Here is the catch, though.  ‘I am’ can only be used for good.  It has to be used for uplifting, empowering, and creation of those things that are aligned with my true self, my soul.  I cannot demean myself.  I cannot attack myself.  I can’t judge or blame myself.  ‘I am’ only works through LOVE.  Because love is my true nature.  It’s so beautiful and perfect, it gives me the chills.

This is why we can’t afford to pick apart our bodies, to be jealous of others, to judge ourselves or others.  To use ‘I am’ for anything negative is to SELL OUT our own divine nature, turning it into something ugly and evil. I believe that we are here to express love and pursue joy, and to create things that make us happy, and in being happy, we contribute to the overall good and well-being of the world.  In saying “I am love, I am joy” I feel so good, I feel my soul bubbling up with happiness.  I am calling my soul’s name.  I am calling MY name!  My divine name.  I won’t tarnish it by beating myself up for things in the past or judging my body or fearing the future.  I am here, I am alive, I am inspired, I am unique, I am mobile, I am whole, I am grateful.  I am love.  I am.

If we all light up, we can scare away the dark. – Passenger

Lead with the Soul

LEAD with the SOUL.  

I let my soul make my decisions today. I quiet my mind and I listen to my soul.  

Soul, full of love, bursting with love and energy and friendship and power, show me what you want. Use my mind as your tool, rather than your enemy. Shape my thoughts as the healthiest, most inspiring and uplifting they can be.  

Soul, you are so strong. So powerful. You have the energy and power of a bright burning star, but you are as delicate as a hibiscus flower. You are beautiful in every way. You are so full of love. You are MADE of love.  

My mind cannot crush my soul. It has tried. All the doubts, fears, and the “not enough”s. They were of my mind, I know this now, because my soul is made of love, and it doesn’t think that way!  

Oh Universe, thank you for my beautiful, loving soul. Thank you for the knowledge of my soul. I was in darkness, and now I AM the light. Thank you for this amazing gift. It is the gift of love. I am humbled to know this love. I share it freely. Thank you.

A love poem to my grandmother

Hold me, rock me, teach me, love me.  

You make me feel SO loved.

You made such a difference in my life.  You were so funny, you loved to laugh so much.  You loved for everyone around you to be happy.  You loved to entertain and then sit back and watch everyone having a great time.  You loved seeing everyone relaxed and content.  And to know that they were loved.

Thank you for your warmth and your unsparing love.  I think of you all the time, especially when I’m happy and when I feel the most connected with my soul.  I think it’s because I truly felt so loved by you, and when I feel my soul, it is pure love, and it remembers you so well.  

I love you and I hope you are happy too, you have made me so happy.  Thank you with all my heart.  These are tears of joy, I promise 🙂  I rejoice in my memories and the moments when I feel close to you.  You shine so bright in my life.  Thank you.  I love you forever.