Open the Door

In my last post I shared about accepting who I am now, today, as enough; and how that was a bit of a breakthrough for me.  Today I want to build on that idea.  When we accept the fact of our “enough-ness” we are taking a big step in the direction of self love.  But speaking the words “self love”, and having an intellectual idea of self love, are SO drastically different from FEELING truly loved.

I would like to share with you an exercise I have been practicing.  I’m sure others have done this/taught this or some similar version.  It’s like a visualization.

Take a few deep breaths and become calm and centered.  When you are ready, take your awareness up and behind you.  Pretend that you are a guide or an angel or any higher level spiritual being.  And you are watching your human self from this third party perspective, like watching a movie of yourself.

This higher being sees your human self move throughout the day, and also knows your feelings, thoughts and intentions.  And the higher being sees that you try so hard, you think so much of everyone else, you are always striving and pushing to be better.  The higher being even sees how critical you are of yourself, but he/she knows that even this is driven from high intentions.  Your mistakes are simply misunderstandings.  The higher being see all of your life from this outside, higher perspective and can’t help but completely love this thoughtful, courageous, hard working, loving, yet sometimes scared, person.

Think about that for a second.  What if we look at our lives from the outside?  It’s like how we give our friends so much credit, we are so proud of them, we think they are so beautiful and funny.  We don’t think twice when they do something that we would never forgive ourselves for.  We cut our dear friends and loved ones so much slack, but we can’t do the same for ourselves.  Well, look at yourself from the outside.  See yourself as dear and brave and thoughtful and trying, always trying so hard to do the right thing.  Always thinking of others.  Always struggling but getting up again each day, looking at the world optimistically, and working harder to be the best version of yourself possible.

Ok.  Now.  Second part of the visualization.  Again, take an outside perspective, but now it’s from the viewpoint of someone who looks up to you.  Your dog, your niece, a younger sibling, or someone that looks to you as a mentor.  See yourself from their perspective.  See your talents, your generosity, see the special light that you bring into the world that makes this person (or animal) so drawn to you.  Look at yourself with the wonder and admiration that this being has for you.

Doesn’t that feel so good?!

Hang in there though, because it gets even better.  There’s a Part 3!

The above exercise is the “giving” love part.  I’m looking at myself from the outside and seeing that I’m deserving of so much love.  I’m wrapping myself in a beautiful pink bubble of love from the outside.

But what I realized is that I also need to receive that love.

I need to open the door from the inside and let it in.

Imagine the person from whom you are going to receive love.  Imagine all this love being sent to you.  Now open the door.  Either think of your entire body as a door, or place a few doors on your body, like your heart and upper back, forehead, ears, throat and back of neck.  Feel yourself receiving it!  Feel it coming in the door and entering your body.  Feel it like a happy hum, or purr, settling into your body.  Bask in it!!

I realize none of this is easy or automatic.  As I started practicing accepting love, from myself, my parents, my loved ones…I realized that I hadn’t been able to accept it for so long.  I had built walls that said I couldn’t accept it.  Perhaps I thought that love came with requirements, or that I wasn’t good enough to deserve it.  In any case, letting the love in now is not that easy!  I have to sit down and consciously allow it in.  But when I do….it feels so good!!  It’s life affirming, nourishing, peace-bringing and soul-soothing.  Literally what we live for.  Love!

Please take the time to give yourself love, respect, and understanding; but also to consciously allow the energizing life force of love to be received within your body, whether it’s from yourself or another.  You are so deeply loved.  Please let it in.



The Gift in the Garbage

When I was in the depth of my depression, two summers ago, gratitude was far from my thoughts. I was so caught up in the drama in my life, I couldn’t see that there would ever be a way out.  I felt like no matter which direction I went, I would never be happy, and I would always be hurting someone.  I saw myself, deep down, as a bad person.  These thoughts plagued me and I ultimately found myself dreading the rest of my life.

And only when it got so dark did I finally search for the light. I knew there had to be a better way to live.  An internet search on “how to stay in the present moment” turned up a couple articles, which led to a couple books, that started to teach me about the power of my thoughts and my focus.  The power of my beliefs, especially about myself.  I realized that my negative beliefs about myself were taking a huge toll on my quality of life.

It’s been a year and a half since that day, the day I call my spiritual awakening.  I never thought I would say this, but I’m now grateful for those dark days.  If I hadn’t gotten so low, I would never have reached out for help.  I would never have been willing to seek a different way.

It’s taken a lot of self study and persistence, but I now see myself as a person of value and goodness.  I know I’m worthy of my dreams.  I know I have great purpose.  And now I try to keep in mind that, through any challenge, big or small, I can be grateful because these challenges are what grow me as a person.

My friend’s daughter, 9 years old, recently showed me a handout from her school – which has to be one of the coolest schools EVER – teaching kids the difference between a Growth Mindset vs. a Fixed Mindset. (Even cooler, the Growth Mindset is represented by the Force, and the Fixed Mindset is represented by the Dark Side.)  The Growth Mindset sees learning and growth as a priority, and therefore sees challenge as something to embrace.  The Fixed Mindset avoids challenges and gives up when things get hard.  So great for kids, but we adults need this reminder too!!

As I sit here writing this, I just moved to a new city, in a new state, and I’m worried about money.  I’m looking for a job, trying to change directions in my career.  I’m getting divorced.  I’m learning things about myself that I haven’t been willing to look at before.  It can get ugly!  I’m stumbling…stress eating…feeling insecure.  But I’m also remembering how those darkest days were what made me turn my face to the light…and now how I praise that period of my life as the catalyst for so much positive change.  I know that these challenges I face now, are the forerunners of becoming prouder of, and more in love with, myself.

My definition of spiritual growth is getting closer to my own true self – the unconditional love at the core of who I am. This love helps me make decisions, helps guide me to the right relationships, shows me my purpose, and makes me feel fulfilled.  This is the gift in the garbage.  This is why growth, and therefore challenge, is so important.

My message is this:  Every one of us is good, valuable, and worthy of our own greatest potential.  You are worthy of the love that you already are!!  Embrace your challenges and the growth that is coming…you are SO worth it!

Not always easy

Why can it be so difficult sometimes

To remember my own value?

My OWN value

Not because of my job

My bank account

My body fat %

Or the fact that he does or doesn’t text back

Why do I question myself…

Did I say something stupid?

To make him not like me?

Did I sound insecure?

Did I babble?

Why do I try so hard to “get” people to like me?

Is it because I STILL don’t love myself?

I thought I was better…I’ve been here before.

Little one…I wish you could see yourself as others do…as I do.

As bright as the sun

As warm as love

As precious as life itself.

Crack open your anxious heart

And see the vast love inside

The love that you shine so fearlessly and so willingly on everyone else

Please, I implore you

Shine just a crack of this love on your beautiful self

And feel just a fraction of the love I have for you.

My beautiful child!

Be at peace

You are everything good in this world.


Mobile Home

For years I didn’t like my body. I lived, ate, worked out, talked about myself, and thought about myself from a sad space of not liking what I viewed as “myself” (my body).  I thought “me” was just what I saw in the mirror….and I didn’t like the reflection. It makes me so sad that I spent so many years in that place.  But it’s provided a huge contrast to what I’m coming to learn and feel as true, and this new understanding brings such peace and love I just want to spread it to everyone I can, in hopes you will also feel the truth and it will bring you peace.

I am not a body.  

I signed up for the Course in Miracles workbook lessons that I get daily via email.  There were a few days where this was the main idea in the lessons.  In fact it even sounded quite humorous to the spirit of Jesus, when we humans think of ourselves as a body.  From Lesson 92:

“…Your idea of what seeing means is tied up with the body and its eyes and brain.  Thus you believe that you can change what you see by putting little bits of glass before your eyes.  This is among the many magical beliefs that come from the conviction you are a body, and the body’s eyes can see.  You also believe the body’s brain can think.  If you but understood the nature of thought, you could but laugh at this insane idea.  It is as if you thought you held the match that lights the sun and gives it all its warmth; or that you held the world within your hand, securely bound until you let it go.  Yet this is no more foolish than to believe the body’s eyes can see; the brain can think.”

To me it sounded like Jesus (in a gentle, kind way, of course!) is laughing at me for thinking that I am a body, and that my eyes “see”.  The point being… I am so much more. The “sight” of my physical senses is inadequate to see what I really am.

Because I am not a body.  

I am spirit, pure and bountiful and beautiful.  I am a miracle.  I am love and light and peace and joy.  I am connected to everyone else, past present and future, every creature on earth, every spiritual being, every consciousness in the cosmos, in this giant web of god.  It’s so beautiful, and moving, and I feel the truth of it in my heart.  I feel empowered AND humbled by this truth simultaneously.  I feel, most of all, gratitude.

Which makes it really easy to also be grateful for my body.  This body isn’t me, but it carries me around, helps me experience life, helps me have fun and connect with others, enjoy things like food, music, art, travel, swimming, and feeling the sun on my skin.  My body is in service to me, it loves me SO much.  I am not my body, but I am close with it and I know it better than anyone else.  This realization made me astoundingly grateful for my body and made me think for the first time about caring for it in a whole new way.  

Now, I WANT to nourish my body with healthy food..  I WANT to give my body good sleep, exercise, and LOVE.  Love above all!  I want to flood every cell with love and gratitude…I want to worship my body the way that my body worships me.  

So, if I am not my body, and my body is not me.  But what is my body?

It’s so cool how all these sources come together at the same time, repeating themes.  A friend just shared with me this translation from Aramaic of the Lord’s Prayer by Neil Douglas-Klotz from Prayers of the Cosmos:

O Birther!  Mother-Father of the Cosmos

Focus your Light within us – make it useful.  

Create your reign of unity now, through our fiery hearts and willing hands

Help us love beyond our ideals

And sprout acts of compassion for all creatures.

Animate the Earth within us; we then feel the Wisdom underneath supporting all.

Untangle the knots within so that we can mend our hearts’ simple ties to each other.

Don’t let surface things delude us, But free us from what holds us back from our true purpose.  Out of you, the astonishing fire, Returning light and sound to the cosmos.


I really love this translation because it speaks to me on a more primal level.  It puts me in touch with the earth and the cosmos.  It calls me to my potential as a compassionate, powerful being, a conduit for divine love to be put into action through me.    

The line that really hit me:

Animate the Earth within us; we then feel the Wisdom underneath supporting all.

My body is Earth, animated by God Spirit.    

I thought about this and it’s true…my body, like all animals and plants, is made of the same material as the earth and the universe.  My body came from the earth and will return to the earth.  While my body walks the earth, I feed on, drink and breathe earth matter.  

Animate the earth within us.  We then feel the wisdom underneath supporting all.  

What a blessing to be so supported by the earth as to be, literally, a part of it.  What a call to tap into that ancient wisdom and quiet strength.  What an opportunity to be grounded, and at ease, and know that I am cared for.  For me, and to circle back to my previous point, it’s also such a wonderful invitation to feed and care for my body in a different way.  My body is earth-stuff.  I will not poison it, with chemicals nor with condemnations.  I’m spirit animating the earth.  I’m a caretaker of this little piece of earth that I call my body. It’s my little piece…my spirit’s little mobile earth home.  My temple is a mobile home, haha!  

Seriously tho…I am so incredibly moved by the beautiful connection of it all.  I’m so grateful for the experience of living as one with the earth at the same time I’m truly a part of the consciousness of the cosmos.  Think of the magnitude of connection that we truly have, on physical as well as spiritual levels!!  It’s so comforting…yet at the same time so majestic and awe-inspiring!  

Thank you, Universe, Creator, All that Is, for the elegant, simple architecture of this experience of being spirit, animating the earth.  Let us be guided by our heart, lay down our fears and logic, to be guided towards what we feel in our heart to be true and pure.  Work through us to sprout acts of compassion, for our earth bodies, for each other, every living thing, and the earth, water and air that support and nourish us and remind us of a deeper wisdom.  Thank you for this experience, including the challenges that help me grow.  I am humbled to be a part of it.  I am so grateful.  

All the love.




Permanent Glimpse Photography

Cultural Threads

A Course in Miracles International





Winter Solstice is nature’s New Year’s Eve, right?  Is this already a thing?   The longest night of the year, followed by each day growing slightly longer in duration, just seems like a natural starting point to the new year. Which of course makes today, December 22nd, nature’s New Year’s Day.  

Of course this means New Years Resolutions.  

This week I read The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz.  Mind blowing!!! It is a pretty quick, easy read but so insightful.  This part spoke to me:

If you look at your body, you will find billions of living beings who depend on you.  You are responsible for all those beings.  For all those living beings that are your cells, you are God.  You can provide them what they need; you can love all those living beings, or you can be so mean to them.

The cells in your body are completely loyal to you; they work for you in harmony.  We can even say they pray to you.  You are their God.  That is absolutely the truth.  Now what are you going to do with that knowledge?

I love this, it’s so sweet and true.  My body is a beautiful universe in and of itself.  It is made of cells that specialized themselves with a mind blowing intelligence into different functions, organs and systems.  It automatically works for me, 24/7, each and every day of my life.  It even grew itself from 2 cells, provided from two different people, and formed my own mind, for my benefit, which now I use to condemn it??  SO ridiculous!  I know that I will never, ever, reject my body again with these words in my heart.  More than that, I beg forgiveness, beautiful body, for ever saying anything mean to you or about you.  For picking you apart.  I love you, exactly as you are.  I love you and appreciate you for everything you do for me.  I turn inward, and send blessings and love to each and every cell in my body, because it’s true…I AM their God. Water and food, exercise is great but how can anyone really thrive without LOVE??  The same as I would provide for a child in my care, a pet, even to a house plant I would give love and care without a second of hesitation.  To my beautiful perfect body I give my unending love and adoration and a promise to take the best care of you, to listen to your messages, to love EVERY part, to feed you healthy foods that help you function best, and to move/rest when you need.  I will nourish you as you nourish me and love you as you love and support me every single day.  I am so grateful for you.  I LOVE YOU.

My intention in 2016 is not to change anything about myself, but to accept myself and love myself as I am.  The only thing I am changing is the way I treat myself and talk to my miraculous and beautiful body, from inside my own miraculous and beautiful mind.

Love to you and yours, and the happiest of holidays!


I am

I am grateful.  I am healthy.  I am creative.  I am loving.  I am kind.  I am warm.  I am love.  I am peace.  I am free.  I am me.

‘I am’ is in the now.  It is not in the past, or the future.  It does not contain any judgement or any story.  It does not contain fear, uncertainty, or regret.  Those things don’t exist here in the present.  NOW is what is real.

Some say that ‘I am’ is creation.

‘I am’ is a statement used to bring your desire into being.  Like, if you want to become a writer, “I am a writer.”  If you want to become a model, “I am a model.”  “I am healthy and fit.”  “I am a loving parent.”

This is straight powerful!  Instead of dwelling on how unhappy I am, I choose to think of all the good on earth and in my life.  I am grateful!  Instead of fearing sickness or lamenting weight gain, I choose to focus on health and well-being.  I am healthy!  My body is a perfectly functioning universe.  I am strong and capable.  My body carries me around to different places.  I see the beautiful sights of this world.  I hear beautiful sounds like music and laughter.  This feels so much better!

From this new vantage point, I am empowered to count my blessings, including my body.  I am inspired to exercise, stretch, and eat healthy foods.  My incentive?  Moving about freely and easily. Taking in the beautiful sights and sounds of this world.  Running on the sand, jumping off a waterfall.  Making a child laugh!  Riding a horse.  Hugging someone I love.  I stop working out because I hate my body…I start working out because I LOVE my body!

If I am is creation, I am is power, I am is presence…this is starting to sound a lot like divine power!  Here is another clue…. the translation for God’s name as told to Moses is ‘I am that I am’.  I had heard before that God’s name was ‘I am’, but it never made sense to me.  Until recently.  When I started learning more about ‘I am’ and the creative process, and became more aware of how I was using the phrase, I remembered this about God’s name.  Mind blown!  It doesn’t even matter how you define God.  What matters is the divine power inherent in the words, and how this power is accessible to us!

Here is the catch, though.  ‘I am’ can only be used for good.  It has to be used for uplifting, empowering, and creation of those things that are aligned with my true self, my soul.  I cannot demean myself.  I cannot attack myself.  I can’t judge or blame myself.  ‘I am’ only works through LOVE.  Because love is my true nature.  It’s so beautiful and perfect, it gives me the chills.

This is why we can’t afford to pick apart our bodies, to be jealous of others, to judge ourselves or others.  To use ‘I am’ for anything negative is to SELL OUT our own divine nature, turning it into something ugly and evil. I believe that we are here to express love and pursue joy, and to create things that make us happy, and in being happy, we contribute to the overall good and well-being of the world.  In saying “I am love, I am joy” I feel so good, I feel my soul bubbling up with happiness.  I am calling my soul’s name.  I am calling MY name!  My divine name.  I won’t tarnish it by beating myself up for things in the past or judging my body or fearing the future.  I am here, I am alive, I am inspired, I am unique, I am mobile, I am whole, I am grateful.  I am love.  I am.

If we all light up, we can scare away the dark. – Passenger