Courage to Change

Not-enough-ness is a poison.  It’s also addictive and easier to pursue than self-upliftment.  The pathways are deeply rutted with travel, and it’s no harder than autopilot to slip right back into that groove.

I am ugly.  I am a bad person.  I am not capable of ______.  I won’t ever achieve ______.  I’m not good enough.  I won’t ever be good enough.

These limiting beliefs might not even be conscious, they may run under the surface.  But make no mistake, they are there, and they affect our behavior until we become aware of them, and decide to change.  Sounds good, right?  Here’s the catch.  It’s really fucking hard work.

I’m reading a book about diet and acne.  The introduction argues that acne is your ally, because it’s showing you that something in your diet or environment is not working for your body.  It’s an early warning signal of future problems and diseases, should you continue eating/drinking something you’re regularly ingesting.  We should all be thanking our acne for showing up to warn us, so we can fix it!

Ok, I can get behind all that.  Until I find out that my acne trigger is sugar, and I can’t have my (delicious) hemp dirty chai lattes anymore….which I’m very much addicted to.  The thought of breaking this habit seems so daunting, and sad, because there’s a part of me that is really hanging on hard to this.  It’s a part of me that wants control.  It doesn’t want to listen to my body it wants to be the one who decides, who chooses!

Finally saying no, I’m going to change, I’m going to find a better way….it takes SO MUCH WORK.  It is the easier path to say fuck it!  To just lead with the ego, who LOVES to lead anyway!   To make decisions based on control, conversations based in fear, and to stay SMALL.

A guest* on a podcast I heard recently shared that there’s literally a part of our mind who wants to stay small because it’s more consistent with the life we’ve always lived.  To stay the same weight we’ve always weighed, or stay in the same boring job we’ve always done, or the same shitty relationships, because we’ve already survived this level of existence and so it’s SAFE.  We resist change because the part of ourselves concerned with survival knows that we have been able to survive staying the same.

Ok, so it’s hard.  BUT.  It’s also hard to live with these crappy beliefs about ourselves!  It’s hard when you think you’re ugly and fat, and it prevents you from having rewarding relationships because you’re jealous of someone’s looks or weight so you don’t even give them a chance.  It’s hard when you tell yourself you’re a bad person constantly and have a looped tape in your head of your life’s transgressions to prove your badness.  Like, from 1st grade on.  Yes, these are personal examples and yes, they’re ugly and sad.  I used to have anxiety dreams EVERY night.

Here’s what, in a nutshell, finally happened.  I got SO low, that I couldn’t even live like that anymore.  The bad feelings that were produced by all of these negative beliefs finally got me to seek some help.  Just like my acne, they ended up being an ally, a messenger, which made me seek a better way.  And I arrived on my spiritual path, for which I will always be grateful.

So when both staying the same, AND opening to change, are hard…which one do you choose??

For me, it’s obvious.  I want to open up to my enough-ness.  I want to open up to my greatness.  I want to align with personal power, and freedom, and beauty, and laughter.  While I’m at it, I want clear skin!  For me I have no doubt the two are related!  That deep down when I think I’m ugly and unworthy, this reflects in both my diet and my skin.

Let’s collectively choose to dig a new groove for ourselves.  While we may not be able to completely banish the part our ourselves that is driven to survive by playing small; we are also SO MUCH more.  We are unlimited spirit.  I am putting my money that ultimately my spirit is more powerful than my fear of change!  That if I start making those little steps toward alignment, telling myself things like I am beautiful, I am capable, I am BIG and expansive, and I DESERVE happiness and fulfillment….even if I can’t wholeheartedly believe those things at first….my willingness to believe, to do the work, WILL make a difference.

I am greater than my limiting beliefs!  We are ALL greater than our limiting beliefs!

Divine Presence, I want to align with who I truly am!  I want to accept the fact that I’m beautiful, that I’m capable, and that I have great purpose and great gifts to share with the world.  I want to believe that there is a reason why I am here, and that I have what it takes to align with my purpose and to make a difference here on earth.  I want to believe that I’m worthy of living a meaningful and connected life.  Give me the courage to walk a path of awareness and change, so that the divine light within may shine outward!  Finally, let me FEEL the goodness, beauty, and joy that comes when I align with who I truly am.

Thank you, Amen, and So it is.

Sending my love and support for your walk on this path.  If this resonates feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to interact.



*Licensed psychotherapist Karolyn McKinley,  episode 172 of the Awakened Goddess Show